Former Firefighter Allegedly Drove 8 Hours to Kill Ex’s Family After She Dumped Him Over FaceTime: ‘He Was Ready for War’

Brian Lanzim, who was armed with two firearms and a bulletproof vest, was shot by police during the April 29 confrontation

Published on May 10, 2026 02:30PM EDT

Brian Lanzim’s mugshot.Credit : Ocean County Corrections

NEED TO KNOW

Brian Lanzim allegedly drove, armed with guns and a bulletproof vest, from Maine to New Jersey on April 29 after his ex-girlfriend dumped him over FaceTime
Police say he intended to harm his ex’s family to gain custody of their two children after their breakup
Lanzim was shot by police during the confrontation and now faces multiple charges, including attempted murder

A former firefighter drove, armed with a gun and a bulletproof vest, from Maine to New Jersey to allegedly kill his ex-girlfriend’s family after she broke up with him.

A police officer in the New Jersey borough of South Toms River shot Brian Lanzim on the evening of April 29, the Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office said in a May 7 news release. Lanzim, 37, was armed and had threatened to harm his ex’s family, according to authorities and reports from the Asbury Park Press and The Independent.

Lanzim had set out on the eight-hour trip after his ex-girlfriend, a Toms River woman with whom he shares two kids, ended their relationship, according to The Independent.

She dumped Lanzim — who spent 18 years working as a firefighter and an EMT, and had recently moved to Maine for a new job — over a FaceTime call. And after he allegedly made threatening statements, she filed for a temporary restraining order against him, per the Asbury Park Press. According to the New Jersey newspaper, Lanzim allegedly told his ex, “You don’t know crazy yet,” after she dumped him on the call, during which she also heard the sound of a gun clicking.

After she threatened to go to the police, he allegedly threatened her over text, sending messages like, “If your father is there, I’m going to have to take him out,” and “If you stand between me and my kids, I’m going to do what I need to do,” according to the Asbury Park Press.

He also allegedly threatened to leave his ex-girlfriend’s father “pulseless in the driveway,” and told her, “If I can’t have you, no one can,” per The Independent.

Brian Lanzim’s mugshot.Ocean County Corrections

Lanzim then headed from Maine toward South Toms River, police learned after Lanzim’s ex alerted them about the situation.

“He was ready for war,” assistant prosecutor Mara Brater said of Lanzim during a hearing on Friday, May 8, per the outlet. The ex-firefighter had two firearms, a bulletproof vest and “15 large-capacity magazines in his trunk,” the prosecutor said.

Prosecutors alleged that Lanzim intended to kill or seriously hurt his ex’s family in order to gain custody of their kids, according to The Independent. They also alleged that the former EMT had been “spiraling out of control” since March, when he lost the job that he relocated to Maine for last September.

His defense attorney, Marissa Koerner, claimed at the Friday hearing that Lanzim — who has bipolar disorder and was allegedly receiving psychiatric treatment in Maine — was experiencing a severe mental health crisis, which was triggered by the split.

When Lanzim arrived in New Jersey, South Toms River police officers were waiting for him at his ex-girlfriend’s parents’ Dover Road residence, where he drove his vehicle across the front lawn, according to the Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office. He drove toward the cops, who took cover behind a fence, before exiting the vehicle and attempting to enter the home.

Stock image of judge’s gavel.Getty

Officers confronted Lanzim as he tried to enter the locked residence, and one officer — identified by the Asbury Park Press as South Toms River Sgt. Muhammad Ali — shot him in the pelvis and hand, according to the prosecutor’s office. He was then disarmed and transported to a hospital.

Ali yelled, “Brian, Brian, put it down,” and after a man’s voice screamed, “No,” five gunshots followed, according to an affidavit obtained by the Asbury Park Press. The Maine resident could also be heard crying and, at one point, yelled that he “lost her,” and said to “tell her and the boys I love her,” per the affidavit.

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Lanzim faces several charges in connection with the incident, including three counts of attempted murder, according to prosecutors. He also faces two counts of possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, two counts of unlawful possession of a weapon, unlawful use of body armor, burglary, terroristic threats, and 22 counts of possession of large capacity ammunition magazines.

Following his hospital stay, Lanzim was admitted to the Ocean County Jail on May 4, according to jail records viewed by PEOPLE. He is currently being held without bail as he awaits his next court date.

The April 29 incident is still under investigation.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.